Now back by popular demand...

Today I caught a garter. What the heck does that mean? I know if you’re a girl and you catch the bouquet, it means you’re going to get married next or get some pot of gold from some troll… or maybe if you’re lucky, you’ll spend the rest of your days on a vicious man-hunt, (quite literally, I might add) trying to find the perfect man who matches your 4,000+ criterion on everything from shoe size, to hair color, to the color of his socks on a rainy Thursday afternoon during a leap year. OK, sweet…. There’s the girls…. What about the flipping garter???

For all I know, I just sentenced myself to death by a beating from sausage wielding, teeth grinding, girdle hurdling gnomes. I apologize… I am being a little pessimistic. There could be positive repercussions, such as a large cash payoff…. Or maybe a cold one! (It has to be cold, because a one which is not cold is hardly a one at all.) Or there’s always the awkward situation that your (quote, unquote) “Soul Mate” is the only person who can wear the garter. Then, your mission, should you choose to not maim yourself to get out of it, is to go around town trying every Sally Sue, Larry Pat, and Fanny Campbell to see if it fits. Ya, that’s exactly what I want… a Fanny Campbell karate punch to the kidneys.

So class, what did we learn today?

Garter Catching = (Sausage Wielding + Gnome Beating + Kidney Creaming)

Or in other words…

Sucka punch by a Pirate of the High Seas


PS - Delilah is Satan's Mistress of Doom come to smite us all.